I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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