he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
