I need to stop coming to work sober
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
