i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
