Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
