saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
