I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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