eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
