The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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