look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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