i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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