Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
