I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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