It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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