I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i think i just lost a toe
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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