My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize