The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
