He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
