He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
