Welp...herpes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
