I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
