If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
