Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
