help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
