I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
