its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i've created a new STD.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
