Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
