Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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