Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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