I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
