we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
