Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
