it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
