My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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