1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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