The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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