He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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