Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
