This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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