yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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