Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
