My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
