You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
