Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
