I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
