What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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