bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize