I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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