I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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