You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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