so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
