last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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