im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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