very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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