Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
