JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
