I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
