Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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