I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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