wanna go halves on a baby?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Life is so much better after having sex.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
