They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize