a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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