Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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