After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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