am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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