Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize