if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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