I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
